H1N1

Fuck you, Swine Flu.

So sick. :(

My life is starting to feel like riddle with no rhyme. Just words put together that form a puzzle which makes no sense and aren't even that beautiful to read.

Fuck you insomnia and your wasteful use of time.

I'm done pretending anything could have ever come from this.

I'm done chasing you. I'd rather be alone forever than on this roller coaster we've been going through.

I wish I were stronger, more patient and understanding. But what's the point when there's so much going on and you're missing in action?

Reliability is a quality you just don't possess, and it's the one I need the most.

What to do?

When you realize your dreams are never going to become a reality?
When you've strayed too far for too long, chasing someone else's idea of happiness.

Now those strands of hope you once had are dusty, torn, and tattered.

Today I realized things in my life are not in the right order. The things that I am pursuing as a career I'm beginning to think I would rather have as just something on the side... an interest, but not a life. And my current hobbies? Those things that are just supposed to fill my time up and take my mind off of school for a while... those are really the things I wish I had the courage to pursue as a career.

I'm too much of a realist to believe that there is any way to make up for the time that's been lost...

Not to mention too much of a coward.

Phone Calls From Home.

They never bring good news anymore.

You look so defeated lying there in your new twin size bed.
With a single pillow underneath your single head.
I guess you decided that that old queen holds more space than you would need.
Now it's in the alley behind your apartment with a sign that says it's free.

And I hope you have more luck with this than me.

You used to think that someone would come along.
And lay beside you in a space that they belong.
But the other side of the mattress and box springs stayed like new.
What's the point of holding onto what never gets used?

Other than a sick desire for self-abuse.

And I try not to worry, but you've got me terrified.
It's like your some kind of hurry to say goodbye, say goodbye, say goodbye.

You look so defeated lying there in your new twin size bed.
You look so defeated lying there in your new twin size bed.

I want to hate him but I can't.

Pumpkin White Mocha flavored coffees now served at the coffee shop across the street..

First day of fall is less than one week away.

I can't wait.